I can haz companion?

                                    Every so often, we long to steal,
                               To the land of what "Might-Have-Been",
                                But that doesn't soften the ache we feel,
                                         When reality sets back in;
                               He could be that boy, but I'm not that girl.
                           From the musical "Wicked"- I'm Not That Girl

I'm sick of feeling selfish because I hate seeing them together. Honestly, what the hell did I do to deserve constantly feeling lonely and betrayed? That sounds so pathetic, but it's true. It's easy to say that there's nothing wrong with you to have never dated someone in your life, right now a Sophomore in high school, and I firmly beleive that's true, but it's becoming less firm, and harder to listen to when you see happy couples in the hallway and read books where the dork finds someone regardless.
...When is it my turn?
It doesn't have to be him, I'd almost prefer it didn't since it feels like he's always after one of my friends, but I want someone.
Or for time to magically go threeish years in the future so I can finally go to college. <3
That actually sounds better.
Since the time thing is probably not going to happen over night, right now I'll settle for her backing off and realizing that some things never actually change, even if you lie and say they have.
I just need time to actually decipher my feeings and to not feel like I have friends that would sell me down the river in a minute because they feel the same "must-have-boyfriend" craze that is always lurking in high school, and my inner mind. Bahhh.

Procrastinating reading about the Holocaust.

                                  "You've got the talkin' down,
                                      Just not the listening...
                       Who cares if you disagree, you are not me.
                             Who made you King of anything?"
                             Sara Bareilles- King Of Anything

I'm not a big fan of Music Theory.
 It's not because I'm BAD at it, I'm actually pretty able to understand it, it's because I see no true point to continuing with it. I wanted to be a music major, sure, but now I'd rather go a different route in life. Whether it be science, english or some kind of human studies thing.
Then again, my mom's right. I change my mind quite a lot.
 I went from wanting to be a Singer, to a Vet, to an Anthropologist, to a Marine Biologist, to a Music Teacher, to an English Teacher, to a Novelist, to a Psychiatrist, to an undecided teenager.
That doesn't mean I'm backing down however.
Or that I'm never taking Music Theory 2.
I want to, but in my senior year.
I wish my mom would actually understand that rather than making me feel extremely guilty.

Back to writing. Yay!

Man I Really Think We Cut Mergtt- Anagrams and Blogging.

                                                             I'm sick of Waiting and,
                                                        I want some answers right now.
                                                           -The Oceanic Six- Dude.

Oh hai new blog! If you're reading this, and you're not some form of me, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. It's nothing personal, love! I want something that I can keep for myself, and I suck at keeping a written diary, so maybe a digital one will help. I want to be able to look back on something in 5-10 years, or even a couple of months and think 1) "Ohmygosh. Look how stupid I was..." and 2) "Look how much I've changed."
I really love anagrams. As stupid as it sounds, I think they can explain a lot. For example, I can't get one name off my mind. It's been there since last February, and although I keep lying to myself about why, anagramming it with mine, kind of helped. The first five words (yes I'm counting 'I') told a story. "Man I really think we". We... What? The last two words are pretty depressing, but that actually fits in with reality. We'll never be more than friends. We'll always be flirting, we'll always be cutesy, but we'll always be just friends.
                                                       And... I think I'm OK with that.